- "Hahaha! Like a straight razor on a canteen girl!"
- — Krakauer
Krakauer is a gaunt, stooped old man who wears a garish purple and blue jacket over very dirty brown pants. He has a full head of touseled gray hair.
Krakauer is apparently a war veteran of some sort, possibly World War I, as he talks about the trenches and "going over the top" (both World War I phrases and terms), and also claims Roy Brown stole his credit for shooting down the "Red Baron" Manfred von Richthofen. Disturbingly, some of his quotes suggest he may have committed some atrocities. He sometimes discusses how he killed people. Some of his quotes even hint that he may still be killing, although this may just be senile dementia on his part. He uses many antiquated words when talking, such as telling people who harass him to go back to their "scullery kitchen".